The end of August marked one year since Ashley and I moved from our church here in Bloomington. I had been serving there as an associate minister for nearly five years when God called us to leave and search for a new church home. That was the beginning of a very interesting and winding journey. Leaving a church is difficult enough, but when God tells you He wants you to go somewhere, and doesn’t tell you exactly where, that is enough to make you truly lose it for a second. Graciously, God did not allow that (for too long). He took us through about six months of praying, visiting, and searching, until we found a great place to call our church home (City Church in Bloomington, Indianapolis). What He did along the way, however, is reveal more of His love and purpose for me.
This revelation was prompted by subtle critiques I received about the role I now played in the Christian community. From many, I heard, “So what will you be doing now”? Or, “Where are you preaching?” Some of the most piercing comments came from family, “At this new church, do you sit in the pulpit?” and “You’re still called, right?” In answering these questions over the last year, I have had the opportunity to assess what I really feel my relationship with God is built on. Is it built on the fact that I am someone in my Christian community or on something else? Through some soul searching and the revelation of the Holy Spirit, I found strength in who I was in God. This is best understood in the wise words of a dear friend who happens to be a preacher. He said, (paraphrasing) “Jeremy, the Lord loved us before we were called and He doesn’t love us because we are called. He just loves us.”
That is the testimony of my faith travels so far. I have seen that God did not call me because He wanted me to be a preacher – He called me because He loves me. That’s what I knew when I accepted Jesus Christ years ago. I had no clue about a calling, no aspirations of a title, no desire for a pulpit. I just wanted the relationship. I wanted the satisfaction and peace that came with knowing I was a child of the living God with a place secured in heaven with Him. That was enough for me. That is what God is getting me back to being – the me He saved. The one more concerned with His presence than with accolades or attention. That’s where I desire to be. That’s what I pray I am always traveling towards. I want to be someone grateful for my salvation and convinced it is available to all who ask.
In Romans, Paul describes a similar scenario. His desire is that the Israelites be saved. Although they are very enthusiastic and ritualistic about God, their knowledge of where their standing with God comes from is wrong. Paul is letting them know it does not come from their enthusiasm or rituals, but something more. Paul is reminding them that salvation comes from accepting and living for Jesus Christ, not how much we 'establish our own righteousness'. (Romans 10: 1-4 and 10 below)
I believe that in my life, God will use me to preach, teach, and lead. After some time now, I have accepted that and made peace with His plan for my life. However, I also believe there is a more pure and purposeful life God has for me. One dedicated to personal growth, love of family, and service to others. That is the me He desires, that is the me He saved.
* A little sum’ extra: Another nugget God has exposed through this process is the joy and privilege of serving people. Sometimes people in the church or in ministries become burnt out or jaded because they are overworked. This hiatus in formal ministry has given me the opportunity to step back, reassess my commitments, and enrich my personal walk. This experience has also left me burning to serve God again. Not just in a church, but everyday. I have definitely learned more about the value of serving God in formal ministry. But I have also seen the true joy of unexpected service; action not because you are a minister, but because you are a child of God. Both formally and informally, service is an honor.
Lord, You are all powerful, all knowing, and all encompassing. You have been my shield, sustainer, and strength. My prayer is that I continue to grow more like You. Lord, please remind us all of Your unconditional love for us. Please let it encourage and propel us to a life seeking Your truth. Thank You for loving us beyond any accomplishment or action. In the most sincere way possible, You just love us because we are Yours. Thank You!
Closer,
j.a.g.
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Romans 10:1-4 & 10 -
1Brethren, my heart's desire and prayer to God for Israel is, that they might be saved.
2For I bear them record that they have a zeal of God, but not according to knowledge.
3For they being ignorant of God's rigthousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the rightouesousness of God.
4For Christ is the end of the law to every one that believeth.
10For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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