Beforty

In less than 24 hours, I will turn forty years old. Before then, I wanted to mark the time and reflect on my life’s journey. Here are three quick lessons I’ve learned over these (almost) four decades of life:

 

1. Treasure Our People – I have not posted to this blog in nearly three years. Early in 2020, my mentor and Pops, Rev. Michael Brown died of cancer. Since then, I could not find the creative energy to write here. This summer, my mother died of health complications. I am continuing to process what it means to live without her physical presence as well and tomorrow, will listen for her voice singing me happy birthday. They are pictured below with me at my ordination service in 2012. 

   
   

   
   

   

   Me, my Mom (Augusta Gilmore-Bennett) and
   Pops (Rev. Michael Brown)

Because families are complex, it's important for me to say that Rev. Brown was not my biological father. He was married to Veronica Brown for over 40 years and they welcomed me as part of their family. My mother was married to Robert Bennett, who she was with for 27 years.

Over the years, we have experienced the deaths of family and friends; Granny, Uncle Freddy, Mr. Nobody, Uncle Charles, Auntie Debra, and Larry to name a few. These people were our people. They were not all related by blood, but they were our sages, guides, and confidants. They were our consciences and guardians. They were the people we relied on when an adult was needed. (Now, we find ourselves being the adults others rely on!?!) But it all has taught me to value my people. To love them deeply and tell them openly. To care enough to care. In the hospital, I’ve also seen the reality that life is like a vapor and can evaporate without warning. I am so grateful for the people in my life who love me and who I love. Dear friends who check on me, youth I’ve ministered to in the past, compassionate colleagues. I’m grateful for the lilt in their laughter and the peace of their presence. This is an area I want to continue to grow in as I cross this new decade of life. 

2. Be Audacious – For some reason, my life has been filled with big decisions. I accepted my calling into ministry at 21. This decision would alter my entire life. I co-founded a city-wide conference at 23 (I Want God folx, stand up!). The scariest life decision we made? Leaving good jobs and our entire network in Indiana and moving to North Carolina with a one-year-old baby and $1000. It was an audacious decision that became transformative for our life’s trajectory. We have seen the fruit of our labors and prayers. We have met new people (who have also become our people) and learned to take big risks. It taught us to rely on God and God’s people for provision. It taught us that we are resilient. Other audacious decisions have followed those - personal ministry choices, starting a business, meetings and moments that have continued to expand our horizons.

As I’ve gotten older (ugh, I’m saying it already), I’ve noticed that those with great opportunities aren't always the smartest or best, they simply have the audacity to believe in what may be possible. This leads me to my last lesson… 

3. Keep Dreaming and Acting - When I was a young child, I could not imagine the age I am now. Even as a teenager, I remember dreaming about being an adult and that adult was never forty. In those adolescent dreams, I was ageless, older than my big cousins but never the age of my mom (who was “old” to me, although she was in her late 30s like I am - for a few more hours). My dream adult life was amazing - I was married to a beautiful woman and we had lovely children. Unlike my real life at the time, the adult me had more shirts in the closet than days of the week. The adult me had access to a car. The adult me felt safe and smiled a lot. Those dreams were important to me. They kept me believing in something and hoping for a future. 

That has been an invaluable takeaway - if I dream and work, the dream can become my life. I recognize this is a bold statement, that also needs to allow room for the lived realities of people who cannot simply out-dream themselves out of their life’s conditions. However, for me, the dream was important because the dream fueled my faith and my faith fueled my actions. Now I spend time asking myself, What do I dream of next? What is beyond what I can see? Writing, serving, giving, playing, loving? If so, I need to encourage those dreams to concretize through my efforts, relationships, and prayers. 

Today, my life is not perfect - marriage and children are incredible and hard work. Ministry is fulfilling and taxing. Yet my life is better than I ever imagined. To come from my family’s beginnings, surviving abuse, poverty, insecurity, low expectations, and societal limitations to where I/we are today, quite honestly, feels like a miracle. A spectacular, imperfect spectacle of God’s grace and glory. What’s even more exciting? Today, at 39.997, before forty is officially here, it feels like the dream may just be getting started. 

On How MLK Paid for Graduate School

Please forgive me. I have not blogged in over 3 months. Ashley, Jocelyn, and I have been extremely busy this summer, as we moved from Bloomington, Indiana to Durham, North Carolina. We moved in order for me to attend Duke Divinity School. Check out Ashley’s blog for more details on the developments in the last few months. We’ve since arrived safely and are adjusting to a new life in a new state. Please pray for us. That said though, I can now post monthly life updates again. Below is the most recent "God moment".

----------------------

Yesterday afternoon, I received a call from the Director of Admissions at the Duke Divinity School. He called to inform me that some scholarship money became available and I would be getting the Martin Luther King Scholarship for my first year in the program. Wow, I thought to myself. Thank You God! The news completely blew me away. It also confirmed some valuable lessons about faith.


God doesn’t show His hand. I received my award information from Duke in the spring (March/April). I had to accept my admission into the school even earlier than that. It would have been easier to make the decision, financially, if I saw it back then. But that would not have been faith. It’s funny because even if I knew I was a candidate for the award, I would’ve felt better. It would have helped to think, “there’s the possibility that this scholarship could come through”. But none of that would have been faith. If you can figure it out beforehand, it’s likely not faith. God is mysterious - His ways are “past finding out” (Romans 11:33 below).

Let’s put it this way, if God played poker, He’d likely bluff a lot. Not lie, but act as if His hand was worse than it was. Then, when it was time to show, He’d always outdo you and everyone at the table – He’d always win.


Faith requires action. If we would have never taken the chance and enrolled in school, we would have never received the award. In other words, I had to make a move for my faith to be rewarded. In other other words, FAITH TRAVELS (hmmm...). It acts, it decides, it steps out without having all the facts.

At first, this sounds elementary. Of course faith requires action. Even the Bible teaches “faith without works is dead” (James 2:26 below). But it’s much more than this. You can’t even experience faith unless you test it. You can’t trust something has happened by faith until you act on it and wait for God to move. If you’re unwilling to act without having all the answers and trusting God, you are not exercising faith. Maybe a humble hypothesizing, but not faith. Faith is not knowing the solution, but living as if you do.



That’s it. That’s how MLK paid for graduate school. He lived a life worthy of creating a scholarship and that scholarship is helping to pay for my graduate education (btw, it’s not a major scholarship, but it’s definitely helpful). However, none of this would have been possible had it not been for a God whose interest is better than a Stafford Loan and who is more forgiving than any bursar. He’s shown His hand again and it is so much better than I thought. I believe that as I travel in faith, it will only get better.





Lord, thank You for your provisions. Thank You for showing us that You still reward acts of faith. And teaching us that those are the only acts You reward. I love You and am grateful for the opportunity to chronicle this journey. Please give us all the strength to live lives of faith. Encourage us to take steps out into the unknown and live as if You are waiting to catch us if (and sometimes when) we fall. We need You everyday.




Thanking God,
j.a.g.







---------------------------------------------------
Romans 11:33
O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!

James 2:20-26²⁰You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless^d]">?
²¹Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar?
²²You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did.
²³And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,"and he was called God's friend.
²⁴You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.
²⁵In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction?
²⁶As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

On Wasted Creativity

The most magnificent gift we have as human beings? The ability to create. From logic to language, from art to architecture, humanity’s sustaining asset is our ability to invent and imagine. Sadly, there has been a deficit of this resource in our current culture. Rigid education combined with inadequate reflection has diluted our creativity. Capitalism’s consistent call has made many create only for material wealth. I believe that creation is not for profit, but it is instinctive, it is the very nature of man.


Biblically, Genesis 2:18-22 (listed below) reveals this:

First, God MADE the earth, including the plants and animals (The sheer variety of plants/animals displays God’s appreciation of creativity). Gen. 2:19

Next, God CREATED man in HIS own image (So if God created us and we are like Him, WE should create). Gen. 1:26-27

Finally, Adam’s first task as a man? - naming all the cattle, beasts, and fowl (Adam was given the freedom of CREATING names for EACH animal). Gen. 2:20


This passage displays the inherent nature of man – to create. Even more perceptively, we see in verse 19 that God brought the creatures to Adam “to see what he would call them”. Wow. God glories in our creativity. Picture God thinking, “I wonder what they will come up with next?, I wonder what they will design?, I wonder what they will discover?” How amazing.


This message is a rallying cry to the inner man/woman. Revive your creativity. Take steps backward into your childhood when you could paint fairy tales in your mind. When the world was not as cynical or concrete. I beckon you brothers and sisters to invent and imagine. If you are an engineer or a sculptor, a janitor or a lyricist, a mother or an athlete, create. Challenge the limitations, push beyond the norms, press into the unknown – God is waiting on you.


Many thanks to the life artists whose creativity has inspired my introspection. To all of the thinkers, non-conformists, and idealists, thank you. Continue to allow your creations to breathe creativity into the world. You make the world great by giving life to life.

Many blessings.


- j.a.g.


Gen. 2:18-22
18And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
19And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
20And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
21And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
22And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.