On Fatherhood (soon-to-be)

Over the last six months, the most amazing thing has happened to me. I have become a soon-to-be father. My wife, Ashley, and I are expecting a baby girl (over 95% sure according to the ultrasound) at the end of June. It has been one of the most exhilarating, anxious, and curious times of my life. How will she be when she arrives? How will I be when she arrives? How will Ashley be when I arrive (back to reality)?

Lately, among the questions and emotions, I have been admittedly envious of Ashley’s ability to spend so much time with our daughter (who will be named Jocelyn). Because Ashley is the one physically pregnant, Jocelyn goes everywhere with her. She eats everything Ashley wants her to eat. She listens to the music Ashley listens to and is essentially controlled by Ashley. All the while, I must sit by and wait for opportunities to speak to Ashley’s belly or rub it to feel Jocelyn kick. Why can’t I get as much contact with Jocelyn? In no way do I want to question the laws of nature, but this makes me want to use one of my heavenly lifelines (Ask, Seek, Knock - Matthew 7:7 below). I’ll use my Ask - God, why would you make women have to carry the baby while men must sit on the sidelines? I believe the following are answers to this question:

To teach soon-to-be fathers how to love our wives… (Ephesians 5:25 below)
During pregnancy, I cannot make any physical difference in Jocelyn’s life unless I make it in Ashley’s life. The only way to feed Jocelyn is to feed Ashley. The only way to speak life into my daughter is to speak life into my wife. The only way I can be close to my daughter is by being close to her mother. What a revelation! God needs men to understand the value of loving their spouse. When we love our wives, we will love our children. This will translate to healthy relationships and a healthy self-image for the child. When Jocelyn sees how I treat her mother, she will understand how she should be treated by a man and respected by others.

To remind soon-to-be fathers who controls it all… (Matthew 5:36 below)
If you ever wanted to know how much control you really have, study the development of a child. From the moment he/she is conceived, a miracle begins. They turn from a bunch of cells into an embryo, an embryo into a fetus, a fetus into a baby and the entire time, you are on the outside…waiting and praying that everything goes ok. True, you can and should do some things to make sure the baby is ok (eat right, exercise, rest, etc.), but otherwise you control nothing. You can do nothing to make the baby taller, or darker, or smarter, or have a better singing voice (big in the Gilmore household!). You can only wait and pray. In a child’s life, fathers are contributors, but not controllers of God’s perfect will for them. God allows us to nurture and teach them, but their final outcome belongs to Him.

Ah, now I see. The times I want to be close to Jocelyn, I should focus on loving my wife and contributing to (not controlling) her growth. While I prepare for her to arrive, I will practice these principles and find peace in the calling of being - and becoming - a father.




Lord, thank You for the blessing of soon-to-be fatherhood. Please encourage fathers and mothers around the world in their special assignments as parents. Let us all keep You at the forefront of our relationships and homes. God, the sooner we realize we need love and we need You, the better off we will be. Please use this time of pregnancy to be a time of preparation and development. I love You and I pray that I am a father to Jocelyn as You have been to me. Just as You cannot wait until Your children arrive to You, I cannot wait until she arrives. And like you, I will spend every moment from now until forever loving, praying, and contributing to the growth of this new life.






Waiting for you,
j.a.g.







Matthew 7:7
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Matthew 5:36
Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black.

On the Low Days

Growing up, I remember not having much. Never the nicest clothes, never the nicest shoes, never the nicest anything. My loving mother worked hard to provide all we did have, but as a child, we never quite understood the significance of her sacrifice. Because of that there were many days where I felt low. Days where I felt lower than low because of what we didn’t have. Looking back, those low days cultivated other qualities that I am only now coming to understand fully. While reading Proverbs 11, the scripture spoke to me that there are lessons in being low. Low days can bring:

* God's Wisdom (Proverbs 11:2, below) – Someone who is struggling knows intimately what it feels like to struggle. They have an insight to tough times that is genuine and can possibly understand the situation enough to provide possible solutions for others. They can approach things as God would, empathizing with the person in need while discerning potential obstacles.

* God’s Respect (Psalm 138:6, below) – God’s RESPECT? Wow. Someone who is having a low day, moment, season is respected by God! This is a powerful concept. Respect can mean to be esteemed, but it also means to be considered (www.dictionary.com). God in his glory, looks on those who are low as perfect candidates for His grace and fellowship. His hand stretches out to them, acknowledging his concern and considering them for His provision.

* God’s Reward (Luke 14:10-14, below) – This passage in Luke reminds us that God is not about self-glorification. He doesn’t reward degrees, titles, or resumes. He honors humility. The person who humbly learns from their low times is someone who God can exalt and reward. The person most qualified for a feast from God is not the healthiest, but the hungriest.

All this said, in a twisted way, I am now happy for the things that I DIDN’T have growing up. Those low moments have helped me appreciate every opportunity (or piece of clothing or pair of shoes) I have now. Prayerfully, the low days that I experience today continue to bring the same maturity and growth. Every day will not be a bed of roses (cliché, I know, but true). However, there is a lesson in every high and every low. As creatures with good days and bad days, let’s remember that God's wisdom, respect, and reward come when we learn from our low days.

God, I need to trust You more. I think I do sometimes, but I often only trust You with things that are easy. Please let my faith explode enough to trust You in the low times. The times when all hope seems gone and the fight seems lost. At those low points, I want and need to trust You more. Please forgive me for times I have not done this. Remind me and all of us that there are lessons in the pain we go through. As we mature as Christians, we will see that You respect and reward us when we surrender all to you.

Digging,

j.a.g.

Proverbs 11:2 - When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.

Psalm 138:6 - Though the LORD be high, yet hath he respect unto the lowly: but the proud he knoweth afar off.

Luke 14:10-14 ^{- 10}But when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room; that when he that bade thee cometh, he may say unto thee, Friend, go up higher: then shalt thou have worship in the presence of them that sit at meat with thee. ¹¹For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted. ¹²Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou makest a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy rich neighbours; lest they also bid thee again, and a recompence be made thee. ¹³But when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind: ¹⁴And thou shalt be blessed; for they cannot recompense thee: for thou shalt be recompensed at the resurrection of the just.